The lost art of conversation with kids

         Traveling across America for my job means that we have encountered several different types of parenting styles. Some are hands off, some are helicopters, and some are what I call electronic parenting. My style of parenting is a mix of those styles. I am not a fan of giving my boys electronics, but when you have two special needs kids you pick your battles. There is a time and place for electronics. Kids wake up early and others in the house are sleeping.... sure. Out in public-nope.

    When we go out, we do not bring electronics. My kids know that when we go out, we do not bring electronics. On the flip side, I do not bring out my phone either. That is a square deal in my eyes. If we go to the library we read, play games or do an activity together. This was evident when we went out over the weekend.

    The wife was sick, so it was me and the boy's kind of weekend. No worries. I can play iso ball and solo parent for a while. It is not a brag, but when you move your family around you get used to playing solo from time to time. 

    On Saturday morning me and Hudson went to Golden Corral. We talked the entire time. He would ask questions, I would give a response and in return I would ask questions, and he would give thoughtful answers. It wasn't those generic questions either like, how was your day or how is the food. It would be more like, "Would you rather have eyes in the back of your head or an extra hand?" "If you could play one game for the rest of your life, what would you play?" "Would you rather have no movies or no music for the rest of your life?"

    I like these types of questions because they generate an open-ended thought process. I do my best to teach him the art of conversation. An art that in my mind is a lost skill in today's world of social media and reels across several apps. At no point during the meal did I check my phone, nor did Hudson ask for his tablet. It was a great conversation. Between getting our food I noticed other parents would give their kids tablets or phone to entertain them. No judgment here for we have done that before. Sometimes you got to do what you got to do. However, that is a break glass in case of emergency type thing. 

    On Monday I took both kids to Chicka Fila to play on the playground and get milkshakes. It wasn't busy so I let Hudson order and pay. This again is another teaching moment-learning how to talk to adults. My youngest Noah drank his milkshake really quick then played. Hudson on the other hand would play for a bit, come back for milkshake then play again. I brought a book to keep me entertained during this process. When Hudson would come back to the table I would tell him about the book I was reading. It was a spy book called the "The spy and the Traitor" I told him about spying, what a mole is and why someone would sell secrets. I have no idea if he understood what I was saying but he kept coming back and was invested into the conversation. Even if he wasn't interested in spying, he was invested in someone else's viewpoint.

 That in itself is a victory in my eyes           

Tonight's experiment.....

    Much like any good story. I'll start it in the middle. 

    Today I asked my wife and son for help.

    I asked them to keep me focused in the evenings. I told them that I had been spending too much time on my phone in the evenings and it was cutting into family time and productivity time. (When I say productive time: it means reading, writing or studying). I don't ignore my family to spend time on my phone, but I do have a tendency to linger when the time arises. If I have downtime, I'll hop on Instagram and check out some reels.... before I know it 10 min as gone by then I get a group message from work then I'll look something up to cook for dinner and the whole process takes 30 min. That's 30 min that I could be doing a household chore, playing games with the kids or sitting down with the wife and catching up on the events of the day. Bathroom trips are the worst for me, I'll sit alone in the toilet scrolling-acting like I need a break from my cushy desk job. 

    Yesterday was the worst. I came home early (it was a telework day at work due to the weather, but having two kids and four dogs (we are pet sitting) it creates chaos at the house. I ended up going into the office where I can utilize my workstation. It is also a place where my brain is conditioned to work. I came home around 3:30 and basically spent an hour dicking around on my phone until I started cooking dinner. While dinner was cooking I would parodically check my phone. After dinner I had a conference call then play video games after-Not a productive evening at all.

    My solution was to ask the family to help me stay focused. I told my oldest to pick a punishment if I were to get on my phone. According to Hudson if I spent time on my phone then I would be sent to timeout, and he could have the phone to download any game he wants (within reason and it has to be free). I did have one loophole. I could listen to podcasts as long as the phone was out of reach. I could do headphones or link it up to one of our Alexa's. 

    The parameters were set.

     Hudson wasn't feeling well, so he chilled out for the evening. I plugged a podcast on Alexa and started my evening. I was able to fold two loads of laundry while checking on Hudson from time to time. Did the dishes, cleaned up the kitchen (we have a rule...whomever cooks the other cleans) and still had time to build a workout plan for my client, study and write an article. I was really productive and did not have dead time on the phone. From time-to-time Hudson checked on me. He would ask where my phone was (upstairs on the charger). I was proud of that little guy. He kept me in check. I told him that I appreciate his support. 

    As I write this, I am thinking about implementing this a few nights a week. It was such a relief to not check my phone when I am supposed to be doing something. I was able to stay focused and knock out one thing after another. I was able to spend focused quality time instead of being distracted or rush through something so I could spend time on my phone.

    My mind is more refreshed than it has been.    

First experience with dry needling

     Over the summer while we were moving down south, I started to experience cramps in my calves while running. I went for a run one evening, and felt a slight cramp coming on in my leg then boom intense cramp. I chalked it up to new environment (the south is slightly more humid than the northeast), not dialed in nutrition or hydration. I took two weeks off from running then went for another run......another cramp ensued. I was a tad frustrated but ended up taking a month off from running. This coincided with my shifting into more of a lifting heavy type training. By the way if your accustomed to lifting with 3 sets then jogging or doing some sort of cardio after then switching to 4 sets with no cardio you will get sore for a week. On the other hand, I did enjoy my newfound muscles.

    I did that for six weeks (standard micro cycle) then decided to start running again. It was that cool fall weather that is perfect for running. I started off slow with a goal of running 12 min for two days a week. First week went well-then it all went to crap, and I started cramping again. This time it would knock affect me for longer. Instead of a day or two it went on for a week.

    Being a man, I did not want to go to the doctor. I had this gut feeling that they would say stop running and rest up your leg. When you're in the military that is not an option. I have to run for a physical test. I knew it was not serious enough for a long-term permanent profile, so I swallowed my pride went to the doctor. Being in the military everything works with the speed of a glacier. Making an appointment is like pulling teeth, "We aren't accepting new patients" "You need to go to sick call" I called and called seeing if anyone canceled and lo and behold a cancelation. Finally, an appointment with a doctor to get a referral. The doctor agreed that I should see a physical therapist (duh!) that of course took another couple of weeks to get. 

    The day of the appointment the physical therapist took all of two seconds to diagnose me. In laymen's terms I had several knots deep within the muscle belly. He recommended dry needling to get the muscle to relax. He would stick a needle in the muscle belly for it to contract then relax on its own. Metaphorically it would be like popping a ballon.... only the ballon is my muscle and inside of my body 

    Let's do it.

    When he prepped the needles, he gave a warning. This will hurt and you will experience soreness. I may miss the intended muscle and, in his words, "If I get the wrong part of the muscle, it will get angry and contract" In my mind this seemed like a good tradeoff. Little bit of pain for relief. He started the procedure and quickly found the suspect muscle and inserted the needle.

    He immediately found the muscle in question and inserted the needle. 

    HOLY CRAP! 

    The contractions were strong and quite painful. "Yep, I found it" No shit doc. He paused waiting for the contractions to stop then poked me again, another powerful contraction. 

"Got it again" 

"yeeeeeep you got it alright...."

    The pain was quite intense. To his credit he asked if I wanted a break......nope just do what you got to do. Eight needles later (If the knot is strong enough, they break the needle). 

    Ok, let's try it, walk around a bit and let me know how it feels. I tried to walk around and nope pain was still there.

    Round two of dry needling-pain was intense but not as long. Short, high intensity contractions. Several needles later he was done.

    I walked around a bit (with a limp). Ok, that looks ok. Come back Monday and we can finish up everything. I thought to myself Oh great I get to go through this again.

    It was obvious that I did not think this one through for I still had to drive home and since I'm uncoordinated I had to drive home pressing the accelerator with the same leg that I had the procedure done on. 

    I had the appointment after lunch, and it is still sore and hurting (way to undersell the follow up pain doc). Sitting down feels good.... until I get up and start walking around then the pain comes and I'm limping around the house. 

    Ever walked around the house with a limp around a 9-year-old? He was taunting me the whole day. "Dad, your old!" "Dad, you want to race. I bet I could beat you! Thanks son-appreciate the support. After the initial mocking he seemed generally interested in what happened. I showed him where the doctor stuck me and showed a few YouTube videos of what happened. I did my best to explain and he seemed to get it.

I have the weekend to recover before round two on Monday.

     

        

How I train my clients

        I received my certified personal training (CPT) certificate a few years back. Due to the unpredictable nature of my previous job as an instructor I wasn't able to fully use the certificate for extra money. I interviewed for a few places and either the time or the money was not quite right. (This is where I learned that personal trainers don't make squat.... pun intended). Moving down south with a more predictable schedule I was able to use my cert to make money. Again, I interviewed at a few places and money was the biggest obstacle (This comes from a place of ego, but my knowledge base is much higher than a dude with just a CPT). I was able to land a job with a large company and the money/schedule was on point. I learned the nuances of training and found out it is selling used cars. (The worst part about the job). I do have a personality and could have sold myself to clients. That felt cheap and unethical. Why would I take a car payment away from someone and lock them into a contract, and hound them over the phone to show up.

    What I did learn through this process is to wait for someone to ask about personal training. No need to constantly sell myself or use my interview techniques to get someone to sign a contract. My cliental would be smaller this way, but timewise it is for the better. I was able to procure some clients and spent the first few sessions instructing them on techniques about lifting and spread some knowledge. After two sessions it reaches a decision point. Do you want to continue, or do you have enough knowledge to go forth on your own? 9/10 they want to proceed with training.

    

    I charge $20 a session because I want it to be affordable and maintain flexibility in my schedule. Due to my job, I take classes, travel for work. That structure maintains a flexible schedule.

    During my sessions I train my clients like athletes.

    I run them through a RAMP warmup, utilize plyometrics, incorporate sprints and agility sessions along with heavy resistance training. Even with the females that I train who want to "tone up" I have them lift heavy. I explain that males and females can be trained the same way with different endocrine responses. Therefore, you won't get bulky or have Ronnie Coleman type muscles. Lifting heavy will tone you up. I tell them my job is to get you bigger, stronger and faster. I'm not into training to lose weight. That will come with time. What you look like in the mirror is more important than a scale.  

    I go over the specific goal of the workout with them and let them know why we are training this way.

       Pro Aglity tests, T-tests, vertical jumps, broad jumps, sprints and heavy compound lifts are on the schedule with training.

    To my surprise, all of my clients really like it. They enjoy lifting heavy, they enjoy sprinting (to a degree). I incorporate all of my fitness knowledge of energy systems into the training. For example, if we are doing sprints, I schedule 15 second max sprints with 230 seconds of rest to train the phosphagen system. Plyometrics are the same way. I follow the 1:5 ratio with plyo's. It takes a few sessions to get them used to jumping five reps then resting for 2 min. I do this to ensure the body has recovered and to get the highest quality jump not to jump for the sake of jumping. 

    With the positive feedback received for each workout, I'll continue to train this way.