What fitness means to me....

     I kept in fairly good shape throughout my adult life. Gym time was my time. I took it seriously, but not that seriously. I would go and workout, but it would take away from family time. I ate whatever and occasionally drank. Being stationed in Mississippi forced me to get up early.... who wants to run and workout after work and dealing with the deep south heat and humidity all day. I'll answer that-no one. I got up early (it was a struggle at first, but I was able to get into a rhythm). I committed myself to go every day. Since I was up early, I stopped drinking and clean up my diet a bit. The results were staggering. I was able to do more and recover better. (Who would have thought living a clean life led to a feeling better?)

    Moving to Mass I kept the same routine. Instead of being surrounded by folks who did not work out or only did it occasionally I was surrounded by folks who were just as dedicated as me. Nothing like walking into work and instead of saying morning or hello it was, "did you work out this morning?" Fitness became the center point of conversation. One of the guys said he worked out to make the voices go away. That statement threw me off. As a guy who tracked workouts and inputting nutrition into an app this blew me away.

    Fast forward a few years it makes sense now. When you get into a routine and center your entire day around your goals the inevitable shadow of doubt creeps in-that feeling of not being good enough starts to cloud your judgement. Due to that-the sense of accomplishment of going to the gym and pushing yourself to feel accomplished becomes more and more important. My workouts now do make those "voices" go away. When you see highly successful folks the pressure to keep up is real. It is a good kind of stress as the saying goes, "show me your friend's and I'll show you your future" The gym served as a sanctuary to indeed make the voices go away.       

The search for the next thing

     For nearly a year and a half I was studying for the Certified Strength and Conditioning Specialist (CSCS) exam. It was trial and error in terms of studying methods, at first, I was watching YouTube videos-nothing clicked. Then I started to read the material then make a small blog post-That worked moderately. What really helped was fully immersing myself into the material. I became obsessed. It wasn't just a hobby or something I did when I had time. I fully embraced going all in. I would study in the morning, study during lunch then study in the evening. I would train my PT clients in the manner that reflected studying. I would have them do the T-test, 505 drill, lift heavy and perform plyometrics. I was all in.

    Come test day it was almost a relief that I passed. All those days studying came to fruition. It is awesome to have that on my resume and I am really proud of myself for passing. Now, I am struggling to find the next thing. I fell into the cycle of playing video games and catching up on tv shows that I put off to studying. It was great for a while but now I feel like I have lost my edge. When you dive headfirst into something, and it pays, and you chill for a bit it feels weird. I found myself resorting to being "normal" not progressing but remaining the same. Yea I caught up on some shows and started becoming more social with friends, but what else?

    When your consistency has something on your plate to search for you become single minded focused. Nothing else matters but reaching a goal. Now, I am lost and looking for the next thing. I have no idea what that something is, should it be pursuing a PhD? another fitness cert? building my brand as an exercise guru? opening a social media page? This is the first time that I currently do not have a goal.

    I say "Victory has defeated you, peace has cost you your strength" all the time to my troops. It fits has I am goal oriented and with a name like Tom Hardy it is comical to quote Bane. As I sit here, I think to myself.... has passing this test made me fall victim to victory defeated me?  

    As the premise says.....I am still searching for the next thing......